especially this.

tcob

2009-03-18T00:31:00.002-05:00

i got a new job. false alarm.

when i said unemployment was weird

i meant unemployment is AWESOME.

next monday- back in the saddle againnnn.

business casual sweat shop m-th.

CASUAL FRIDAYS!!!!#$$#%^#$%@#$!

life is good?

fake empire

2009-03-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

so i got laid off.

it's kind of weird.

god bless texas

2009-01-14T22:19:00.000-06:00

and her aggies

thank you liz

2009-01-02T22:11:00.001-06:00

here's to the new year

smile!

2008-11-15T21:16:00.001-06:00

a small human that is adorable. and speaking in french.

dear sarah palin

2008-11-12T14:03:00.005-06:00

in response to this

[3+] AlmostAmanda said:

Dear Sarah, I know you love, love, love, to blame the evil liberal "mee-dee-uh" for any and everything that went wrong with your campaign, but it wasn't their fault. Here's what killed your chances of becoming VP:

- John McCain was proud to have voted with an incredibly unpopular president.

- John McCain couldn't run on the "family values" platform that helped Bush given his personal history which cost him some conservatives.

- John McCain seemed kind of irratic when he picked an unqualified, unvetted person to be his running mate.

- John McCain seemed kind of irratic when he "suspended his campaign" to run back to Washington and save the day during the economic meltdown, but didn't actually do anything.

- John McCain also admitted he didn't know jack about the economy earlier in his campaign. - In interviews, you rarely seemed to know what the hell you were talking about.
- During the debate, you refused to answer questions you didn't like.

- The RNC was holding you up to be some kind of a populist, yet they spent an insane amount of money styling you and your family.

- Winking and refusing to add "g's" to the end of words is cute every now and then, but after a while it makes you look like a ditzy flirt and not VP material.

- You kept throwing mud at Obama even though it wasn't working and polls were clear that people weren't interested in dirt, but issues.

- You kept insisting that the Obama campaign was trashing your daughter and harassed poor "Joe the plumber" when it was obvious that neither was true.

- You suggested that there were "pro-America parts of the country" and "real Americans" (meaning that there would also have to be anti-America parts of the country and fake Americans, i.e. people who didn't support your politics) which alienated independent voters.

- Neither you nor John McCain had any great ideas for how to make this country a better place, while Barack Obama did.

Now, dear Sarah, please explain to me how any bit of that was the fault of the media. They didn't tell John McCain how to vote or who to run with. They didn't demand that he go to Washington to play maverick or walk around like a loon during the town hall debate. They didn't keep books, newspapers, magazines, or the Internet away from you so that you would be horribly unprepared to answer important questions. They didn't choose your platform, the divisive tone of your campaign, or your language. They didn't force you to release information about your daughter's pregnancy (you could have released your medical records instead) or mention "Joe the plumber" 20+ times in a debate. They didn't force the RNC to buy you clothes that cost as much as my house, nor did they force you to accept them. They also did not force John McCain to choose you nor did they prevent John McCain from vetting you. And they didn't make you abuse your authority as governor or allow your "First Dude" to have way too much say in an office to which he was not elected.

That was you, Sarah.

That was John McCain.

That is why you lost.

the reminder

2008-11-11T16:53:00.001-06:00

we all count.

p.s. have a shitty day

2008-11-05T15:46:00.008-06:00

found in college station, texas

c'est le retour

2008-10-22T21:55:00.002-05:00

tis true. this is the return.

went to happy hour tonight for THREE HOURS.
now i'm tipsayyyyyyyyyyy.

college station this weekend for old v. new?
i can't decide.

transfer to sf?
i can't decide.

i can decide on some things though.
i love my friends.
i'm excited for denver.
i'm ready for another traveling project.
i'm ready to go to sleepy.

goodnight y good luck.
and write me emailzzzz

ugh

2008-10-21T22:19:00.001-05:00

i feel stagnant

movement

2008-09-24T12:54:00.002-05:00

looks like i'm definitely moving back to dallas next friday

cantwait.

although-
i will miss the debauchery of the seattle group
made a lot of great friends
had a lot of really fun times

tear.

once i wanted to be the greatest

2008-07-23T23:38:00.002-05:00

a wise man once said:
when life hands you lemons,
paint that shit gold

therefore:
this weekend will be gold

pure gold

i have a headache

2008-07-22T10:16:00.002-05:00

sitting at work waiting on the jamba run to get back
all systems are down except wireless internet
so we are just sitting, waiting, boring

last night was so fun!
football on the beach
dinner at a nice chowder house
pool party with drinks

LA was also the most fun
santa monica beach is pretty
and the weather was amazing
i especially loved riding with the windows down the whole time

ruston this weekend!!!$@#$@!
i am excited for
1. blue light
2. sundown
3. friends
4. feefoy
5. mohawk
6. being there

also- i am really hungover

all my friends!

2008-07-18T12:40:00.000-05:00

so here we go
like a sales force into the night

so excited for the weekend
and ready for something newwww

collegestationthisweekend

2008-07-07T23:34:00.001-05:00

back to the old stomping ground

not that old really. but removed definitely.

cantwait!

drive by

2008-07-02T00:04:00.002-05:00

"hey faggotttttttttttttttttttt"

epicly owned

i am so ready for LA!
see you in hell!

back in seattle

2008-06-30T01:57:00.001-05:00

back in the saddle?

thank you baby jesus for the independence of this fearless nation
and dallas, see you on thursday

xanax

2008-06-25T21:23:00.002-05:00

i love maria taylor.
seattle july 6!

backed out on the cause

2008-06-23T22:23:00.003-05:00

i need to make a list again

of things im excited about

and other things too i guess

my brain is tired

LA to hang out with trent!

ruston for a partyyyyy

camping on the 4th

vegas girl trip in august

birthday!

jacob lives in austin now

college station and caffe capri in july

i have a busy summer. but it will be fun.

and best thing ever!

no more long (12-13 hr) days after this week

things i miss:

select friends

family

dogs

texas (never thought i would say that)

my apartment

things im not embarrassed about:

just downloaded that leona lewis song

who cares

sounds boring

2008-06-22T20:50:00.002-05:00

well, sometimes you are too.

tired of this

2008-06-18T22:37:00.002-05:00

and i'm not talking about work.

in other news-

getting sick i think.

great timing for the one weekend i'm staying in seattle.

of course

2008-06-10T20:36:00.001-05:00

the sun didn't shine today.

i'm so over seattle.

the hiatus is over

2008-06-09T22:43:00.004-05:00

and i'm sleepy in seattle. ha.

working in seattle for a while. not sure how long, maybe only until the end of june, probably longer. it's not bad, really. expensing everything, hanging out with fun people...

the 12 hour days are already starting to get old. and having to put life in dallas on hold for 5 days at a time is getting older. my apartment is a wreck, and all i want to do when i'm actually in town is hang out with friends.

and obviously i feel frazzled. i can't even write a coherent blog.
i blame it on living out of a suitcase.

and beyond the aforementioned frustrations,

I AM MISSING MATES OF STATE THIS WEEK.

this is, perhaps, the worst part of being in seattle thus far.
my favorite band, playing less than 5 miles from my apartment.
and i will STILL be at work when their show starts.

oh life.

and to top it off, they weren't lying when they said the weather in seattle is depressing.
cold. rain. all. day. every. day.

ok, the complaints are over.
i will get to enjoy the city in a couple of weekends.
and maybe the sun will shine tomorrow.

listening:
mates of state- get better
kevin drew- lucky ones
yeah yeah yeahs- modern romance

:(

2008-05-20T00:33:00.001-05:00

just hung out with trent for the last time
while he lives in texas

see you in la!

kat is coming on sunday

2008-05-14T19:51:00.001-05:00

and i CANNOT WAIT!!!!!$@#%#$%@#$

she needs to find a wedding dress. weird but awesome.

so.

awesome.

also

2008-05-08T22:12:00.001-05:00

hot chip- colours

so poetically bummed

2008-05-08T21:22:00.002-05:00

i just want my friends here.

now.

the end of the weekend

2008-05-04T14:18:00.003-05:00

suckssssss.

and for some reason i really love the song by
leona lewis: bleeding love.

and i'm not ashamed.

anyway- panic was awesome last night.
brother/sister time was fun as always.
glad my sibling is so fuckin rad.

time to get the bike fixed.
finally.

and- these layoffs are making me think.
really hard.
about doing something else.

more school maybe?
or maybe something crazy.
move somewhere.

i am just already getting restless.
no good.

what you gonna be when you grow up

2008-04-26T16:39:00.003-05:00

concerts i am going to in the next two weeks:
1. govt mule
2. avett brothers
3. M.I.A.
4. widespread panic

and then in june:
1. ladytron
2. rogue wave & death cab

lucky girl.
and
finally some people in dallas to be frenzzzz with
!!!

tonight

2008-04-17T21:29:00.002-05:00

the weather is crazy outside

i'm listening to m.ward inside

it's nice

especially the song post-war

and i'm satisfyingly tired

if that's even a word

running stop signs

2008-04-12T20:50:00.002-05:00

still don't know where i'm going

but i know i'm only takin' my own self there

; )

things i am thankful for

2008-04-11T20:02:00.004-05:00

1. friends
2. microwave pad thai
3. my paycheck
4. music
5. people that aren't assholes

about the intersection

2008-04-08T22:08:00.002-05:00

still havent figured it out
and i thought i was strong willed

i saw you... looked like a swimmer

2008-04-05T21:16:00.002-05:00

if you always get up late
you're never gonna be on time
and that's a shame
cause i like you

2 songs:
broken social scene- swimmers
bright eyes- take it easy (love nothing)

old but GOOD.

hmmmmmm

2008-04-05T13:25:00.003-05:00

feel like im at an intersection
dont know which way to go

!#$@$!!$#$!

2008-03-29T09:03:00.003-05:00

got paid 2 days early

all my materialistic dreams are coming true

2 glasses of wine + 1 hour bubble bath=

2008-03-25T20:33:00.002-05:00

i obviously know what it feels like to want a drink after work

cheersssssss!

when life gives you lemons

2008-03-23T18:21:00.000-05:00

paint that shit gold

4.22.08

new finds & old favorites

2008-03-22T11:47:00.002-05:00

MGMT- time to pretend
metric- grow up and blow away
she and him- why do you let me stay here?
the blow- hey boy
death from above 1979- sexy results (MSTRKRFT remix)
goldfrapp- little bird
holy fuck- lovely allen
m. ward- poison cup
mates of state- an experiment
michael jackson- P.Y.T.
okkervil river- our life is not a movie or maybe
pixies- debaser
ryan adams- to be young
stars- sleep tonight (justice remix)
rogue wave- chicago X 12
wilco- i am trying to break your heart
devotchka- the winner is
M.I.A.- XR2
battles- atlas
broken social scene- swimmers
clem snide- jews for jesus blues
the decemberists- sons and daughters

i made this playlist today. and felt like sharing.

it has come and gone

2008-03-18T18:54:00.002-05:00

my first day in the "real world"
it was pretty real too

driving to work this morning seems like AGES ago
and i remember thinking:
this is the first time i'm driving "to work"
i "work" in dallas
i am a "young professional"

strangely enough these things are not what i saw
when i used to think of my future
but- i think i like it
so far at least

sitting in orientation my mind wandered
i was daydreaming about this new life
wearing high heels everyday
and not minding?
feeling good about it?

this is not the becca that once existed

i started to think about all the things i thought i would do
all the non-profits i would volunteer for
the lives i would change
and there i was-
sitting in an office in corporate america
talking about profitability
and trade secrets
and things i never thought i would care about it

this question came to mind:
so am i abandoning my dreams?

i don't think so.
this thought process proves it i think
to me at least
i just have to have a little jumpstart
get on my feet

and when i figure out what i'm really supposed to be doing
i will do it
wholeheartedly
with no reservation

until then-
good morning corporate america
and good night casual becca

:)

hunter showed me these

2008-03-07T14:27:00.001-06:00

and i love them.

new young pony club- the bomb

new young pony club- ice cream

eeeeeeeee!

2008-03-07T07:43:00.003-06:00

the irony of it all

2008-03-06T11:48:00.005-06:00

so i share a washer and dryer with two other people who live in the same stairwell as me. i've been waiting since tuesday for them to apparently wash every piece of fabric in their home. i've checked multiple times each day and every time there has been a different load of clothes in the washing machine. it made me feel like they were scheming "lets wash clothes all day to make the new girl hate us."

so today- i got downstairs to check and YES! there are no clothes in the washing machine. so i run upstairs and get my detergent and my sheets that i've been wanting to wash since TUESDAY so i can finally sleep in a normal bed again (its been since graduation thanks to the crib i slept in at pershing). so i try to start the washer with my sheets and detergent inside it and it starts to hum- like its about to fill up with water.
i'm relieved.

that was 45 minutes ago. the washer is still humming.
there is still no water in it.

WHAT THE FUCK.

adorable

2008-03-05T21:32:00.006-06:00

here are some pics of the new place. its still as mess as you can tell. but for any of you that have ever seen anywhere i have lived, itll look relatively clean. also photobooth makes everything a mirror image of what it should look like. so reverse the images in your head. because i know everyone is capable of that.

this is from the dining room looking into the living room. the door you see leads to my adorable balcony. i don't have a couch yet, so hopefully in the near future there will be one right around where that white plastic storage thing is. ikea here i come as soon as i get that first check.

so i flipped it in iphoto but added it from photobooth and can't flip it. deal.
this is my extremely small but cute kitchen. the view is from the top of the refrigerator.

this is from the front door looking into my bedroom. i usually just come in the back door by the kitchen though because the parking lot is back there. come visit me and i'll show you. and you can even watch my baby tv set. its so old and cute.

i'm not going to post any of my bedroom bc its just a bed and a dresser in a not very squared room.

also- they turned on my cable and internet yesterday. this is the first time i've ever had digital cable. it is SO RAD!

i'm here

2008-03-05T17:53:00.002-06:00

so i just moved in.

still unpacking.

pictures to come.

do you wonder where the self resides

2008-02-26T14:52:00.005-06:00

is it in your heart or between your sides?

this is about renewal.

i was driving home from work today listening to andrew bird and the song dark matter came on. and it gave me that feeling- the one everyone gets when they're about to do something fresh and new- you feel like the world is yours and you can accomplish anything. you're going to a new place and you can recreate yourself. you can meet new people. do new things. now- when leaving ruston and coming to college station third eye blind's out of the vein did it for me. (yes i'm admitting it. and i still love that album.) but today was the first day i felt that about this move that's about to happen. and i wanted to share it. listen to the song- it's really great. well really just buy the album because it's awesome.

i'm moving. and while i don't think i'll change as much as i did in the last 4 years- i can't wait.

this IS about renewing myself.

and perhaps i'm romanticizing it a bit, but this is exactly as its happening. romantically.

i'll leave you with a quote from the fb of my favorite laura shinn:

"People, even more than things, have to be
restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone."
Audrey Hepburn

i bid you all good day and similar feelings in the near future.

i'm never as tired as when i'm waking up

2008-02-19T19:08:00.001-06:00

here are some pictures that changed the world

thanks willy for the link

odies haynes jr.

2008-02-12T12:47:00.000-06:00

he buses tables at caffe capri
his name is pronounced otis
middle aged- probably 5'7"
round belly- always smiling without all his teeth
got set up and busted by the cops for dealing
to this day believes it was racial profiling
but somehow remains the sweetest man ever
he used to be a cowboy too- that's his favorite part of life
and last but not least-
he is the genius who coined the phrase:

sheeeeeeeeeeittttt... his momma was a bitch too

i'm going to miss mr. odies. lots i think.

one more thing. jaci (far left):

i'm glad we were friends before she got famous.

things i am excited about

2008-02-08T15:50:00.000-06:00

growing flowers on my balcony
new art for my new apartment
gilbert's birthday tonight!
clean jeans to wear tonight
my mail (cd & note) from states rights records
the beauty that is today

please tell me things that you are excited about in the comments.
i like to know. so i can be excited too.

2008-02-07T17:22:00.001-06:00

of course texas is choosing the ugliest of the options

omgzzzzzz

2008-02-06T22:58:00.000-06:00

my new home!

this is the street view on google for my new place in dallas!
my apartment will be the one upstairs to the left of the front door.
it is perfect.
the building was built in 1927 and has since been turned into 12 apartments.
its a one bedroom with hardwood floors, a darling little balcony, and 50s style tile in the kitchen and bathroom. i think i really lucked out. and the rent is under budget! i'm so excited!

the lease starts feb. 15 but i don't think i'll actually move for good until the first of the month. i have some more parties in my system to get out- and my dad took off the first week of march to be a doll and help me move. plus- i need to keep working at caffe capri.

ah well. just wanted to give a little update.

i'm happy. link happy.

gems

2008-01-31T12:25:00.000-06:00

i've been meaning to share these

you should love them like i do

no mushrooms

2008-01-24T14:55:00.000-06:00

look
if you don't want mushrooms
in your cajun tortellini
then get off your fucking phone
and tell me
don't just look disappointed
when i bring it to you
and there are mushrooms
in your cajun tortellini

because you were too busy
talking on your fucking phone
to tell me

ok i feel better.

that's it

2008-01-23T03:03:00.000-06:00

i forgot to blog for choice today. perfect.
and now i don't really feel like thinking about it.
seems i've had conversations about it all day.
and not with people who agree.
i don't mind having those conversations at all.
but they wear on me. and now i don't want to think.

i think i'm becoming an insomniac.

kevin drew posted a new song on his myspace.
love 5
and it sounds like love should i think.
very airy. almost like a dream.
something happy that makes you cry.
all at the same time.
you could say i'm obsessed.
more like understanding.
i'm emo at heart. or a romantic.
eh.

it has been very cold lately.
i'm learning to knit with this loom thing from walmart.
not actually knitting i guess.
but its a lot faster and the end result just as good.
and as warm.
because it has been very cold lately.

i'm going to try to read some and go to sleep.
wish me luck!
and goodnight.

mlk dayyy

2008-01-21T23:09:00.001-06:00

was reading feministing today and came across a hip hop blog
with an especially cool post for mlk day
check it

last night i went to the poetry slam at revolution
it was really awesome- and we proceeded to have the chillest drunk night ever
it was so fun
except for the conversation at the end where i bitched about tipping below 20%
oops

my favorite conversation was way awesome though:
it was decided, under our breath, that coldplay really sucks
especially the newest album (can't remember title)
the people we were sitting with would not stop saying how perfect it is
uhhhhhhh
and then- something about mainstream rap came up
they think is sucks
we decided its awesome- because there's something creative about writing rhymes that are so absurd
they were obviously morons if they don't think that 'real big' is awesome

it was a pretty great, really drunk weekend

tomorrow is the 35th anniversary of roe v wade
i'm joining the fb group
and i'm signing up to blog about it
you can too:

what a week full of freedom!
yes!
time for some aesop rock after all the talk of hiphop
bye!

post grad scholarly endeavors

2008-01-17T15:50:00.000-06:00

interesting interview

the ladies at feministing.com are funny. and smart. and i want to be them.

maybe i will join the crew someday? i can dream.

the hiatus is overrrrr

2008-01-16T00:02:00.000-06:00

im drunk. its tuesday night. good night to blog i think.

i didnt work today- ran some errands. ate some dinner.
the usual.

now im listening to kevin drew just like old times.
except i dont have to wake up for class.
just have to be at work by 530.
eh.

there are so many things on my mind right now.
i want to type them.
but im not.
its too much.
im just ready for some fresh things.
new and fresh.
not necessarily new. but definitely fresh.

we will see what happens.

i love kevin drew. hes a sexy.

renewal

2007-12-25T23:06:00.000-06:00

i want to make a list of things that i will or want to do this year.
here i go:

see broken social scene/feist/kevin drew somehow, somewhere.
start working.
live ALONE. at last.
own furniture? weird.
meet some new friends.
get in shape. at least get skinnier.
that means less going out.
photo development. trent i need your chemicals.
buy new clothes!
figure out what i really want to do with my life.
stability for a while first.
find peace.
recreate myself. just the outside i mean.
find some new things that i love.

i think that's all. for now.

here is a sexy video:

green sobriety

2007-12-15T02:44:00.000-06:00

not looking forward to it.

rediscovered the moon & antarctica after they played it at revolution last night. what a great album.

i need to write about graduating.
but that will have to wait until another time.

ps. its raining so hard outside. so awesome.

what relief

2007-12-10T17:46:00.001-06:00

amen.

avoiding studies

2007-12-10T09:42:00.000-06:00

i'm glad that school is almost over
but life has been making me feel really strange lately
all this change is coming
but right now everything is the same
i guess i'm just really anxious
ready for things to start moving
changing
ready for something new

and ready to stop drinking red bull
and start sleeping

thank you vice

2007-12-02T23:49:00.001-06:00

ain't that the truth

dear god-
please don't let that be my life.

people are funny

2007-12-02T22:31:00.000-06:00

its interesting to observe them. especially removing yourself from the reality of it all.

this weekend is the perfect example. its hard for me to comprehend why they act they way that they do. and sometimes with the intensity that they do.

i guess everything is right in the end. perhaps i'm just ready to get there.

oopsies

2007-11-30T11:32:00.001-06:00

www.takenbytrees.com

sowwy

social investing?

2007-11-29T15:53:00.001-06:00

just a quick post while i'm deliberately being late to class

first-
i got called out in class on wednesday for being a proponent of social investing. my portfolio management prof said that as a hedge fund, you get paid to make money. green investing or socially conscious investing may make you feel good- but it doesn't make enough money.

i've looked at returns for some green hedge funds and they've been relatively successful, even with the way the markets have been as of late. sure, they aren't making as much as some of the high profile funds, but when the dollar amounts get to a certain point i don't think that it makes a huge difference. so basically she said that we should throw out all of our convictions when it comes to investing- simply buy what will have the largest return.

i completely disagree. isn't there a point where the amount of money you're making becomes moot because of the state of the world that you're rich in? i can't imagine being happy with a billion dollars knowing that the companies that are making my returns enormous are also depleting my ozone. or are sustained by unfair trade. dlfkjghlkghs. maybe i'm just too concerned with things other than my own material wealth. according to donnell i definitely am.

anyway- i was pissed. still am. want to have a long conversation with someone about it.

in other news- you should listen to taken by trees ::www.takenbytrees.net::. she sings on young folks with peter bjorn & john. very unique voice, and the last song on the site is perfect.

sorry no linkage- campus computers are the shit. literally.

newmuse

2007-11-27T17:50:00.000-06:00

hi-
so i've been hanging out down the street a lot lately.
mostly with the cat- because he is the best.

anyway-
upon hanging out down there, i've learned of a band worth listening to a lot.
delta spirit.
check out their myspace- the band description is great!

listen. its good.

i've also been listening to a lot of apostle of hustle.
but that's really nothing new.

ok bye.

so i woke up

2007-11-25T13:37:00.000-06:00

with all my clothes on- shoes included- under my down comforter with my keys in my hand. really becca?

these last days of college are really killing me.
good thing i'm partying in the hood so no driving is involved.

baby its cold outside

2007-11-22T00:15:00.000-06:00

drove into LA today. cold as hell. i guess i better get ready for dallas. cold as hell there too.

in other news-
i accepted with protiviti yesterday. that means i'm employed. yay!

and that also means that i'm starting to feel sappy EVERY time i'm with my friends or doing something typical of college. like partying til 6am. drinking sparks to stay awake. going to spec's at 6pm. lovvveeeee my friends.

except i wish i would have met some of them before this summer/semester. they're the greatest.

right now i'm at feefoy's. stealing internet from her neighbors. chatting on aim for the first time in a LONG time. wanting to be hanging in ruston. at least she had an amazing shrimp delight salad with some wine waiting on me when i got here. can always count on the louisiana fam to make sure i'm well fed and liquored. even when she's 85. ah well.

here are some songs that i have to listen to every day:
feist- intuition
brokensocialscene- lovers spit
page france- grass

loveyou.

they say timing is everything

2007-11-20T03:42:00.001-06:00

but what if you don't have time?

oh my.

2007-11-18T14:42:00.000-06:00

last night was craaazzzzzzzzy.
but the most fun.
shoot.

now there is much work to be done.
i just hope that there is something to look forward to?

just tell me what to do

2007-11-14T10:46:00.000-06:00

nevermind. my friend trent is right. i feel a lot calmer now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm getting cold feet. but i really don't want to work for chevron.

fldshugdlfkghjdf.

maybe i'll just take protiviti?
or email e&y today.
or maybe i will just move to salt lake like zac suggested.
that'd be fun.

this.is.so.stressful.

!$##%#!#@!@#$#!

2007-11-09T15:56:00.000-06:00

so i have an offer with protiviti. what relief!
still going to wait a bit on ernst&young.
we'll seeeeeeee.

a little poetry

2007-11-07T16:19:00.000-06:00

i don’t know how long
i can do this, he said.
i think the universe
has different plans
for me

& we sat there in silence

& i thought to myself
that this is the thing
we all come to
& this is the thing
we all fight
& if we are lucky
enough to lose,
our lives
become beautiful
with mystery
again

& i sat there silent
because that is not
something
that can be said.
–brian andreas, traveling light

i really like this poem. speaks a lot of the things i'm feeling right now. i can't decide if i think its about death or renewal. for me right now- its about renewal. leaving things that i've known for things that i don't know. losing things that i wanted to keep. and living with it. this is a little too introspective for a blog, maybe, but vocalizing these thoughts helps me realize them. i'm starting to feel like my old self again, and just in time to get out of town. i'm scared as hell of what's ahead of me, but i can't wait for it to start. i just hope that something works out soon.

in other news- talked to a dear friend today about another person who isn't really in my life anymore, and realized that the latter it not nice at all. unfortunate, i think, because i held such a high opinion of this person for a long time. actually continued to even after they left my life. but now i'm starting to see the things my dear friend saw all along. said friend thought about telling me initially, but, in his words he didn't want to be a "huge asshole" and preferred us remaining friends until i figured it out myself. luckily i did- perhaps a little late, but definitely worth it. i have a lot of great things coming up. things that probably wouldn't be happening if i were still in the situation i was in earlier this year.

now, i'm done with school until finals. going to hang out with carpool a bit tonight and hopefully some more close friends. and for those friends that aren't here, maybe i'll call them. and maybe i'll ichat with my liz! today was a very hungover day full of a lot of realization. funny how feeling like shit makes things so real. ah and i was going to end this blog- but i think i need to post the hilarious friend time that was last night.

so, today i had a test and a group presentation- my last day of work for the semester until finals. so last night i should have been biting the bullet and busting my ass to learn some portfolio management and researching REITS. i, however, decided to take the road less travelled by. and that really made all the difference. so i went to dinner with the girls from work at caffe capri. this has become somewhat of a ritual and is one of my favorite friend times lately. so we decided on cenare's last night- our boss's mother's restaurant. we got wine with dinner, which would have been fine. one glass of wine would have chilled me out enough to get some great studying done. the problems started when mrs. cerone brought us another glass, as a gift i guess? at this point, my judgment began to slip and we decided to walk across the street to terrazzo- another cerone family business. after ANOTHER glass of wine, we decided that we should go to northgate. all of that to say i went out and got ripped instead of studying and preparing for my test and presentation. good thinking. i woke up to be at work at 8 the most hungover i have ever felt. and without studying. needless to say today was brutal- so glad its over. good thing i don't care too much about my grades anymore.

<3

so many ways

2007-11-05T00:48:00.000-06:00

so- got to see the mates unexpectedly on saturday night.
it was GREAT!

here are some of my favorite pictures from the evening:

i do love them. wish i was kori.
it definitely helped to get me motivated. i realized today that after the craziness that will be this week i am done until finals. and then i graduate. and move.

and get PAID!

well if i get a job- which should hopefully happen this week. an offer at least.

i'm a little cracked out right now. been working on corporate governance paper since 4pm. it is now 1am. wide awake. i am going to post some of my favorite photos from this summer in my next post. just some memories- maybe to help me forget?

cocaine skin

2007-10-31T17:28:00.000-05:00

currently obsessed with kevin drew's new album. but my favorite song is not on it. cocaine skin is one of the non-album recordings and it just makes me feel good. found it on his myspace page and listen to it all the time. maybe too folky for some, but i loves it.

anyway- today has been interesting. both of my classes were cancelled, so i worked until 1 and then came home and took a nap. still having strange feelings about life. had a dream last night i got a phone call from e&y nyc saying they wanted me to start in february. too bad it was in my dreams. i suppose i'll continue dreaming until i find out for sure.

tomorrow morning i'll drive to dallas for my office visit with protiviti. hopefully that will go well. don't know if i want to be a consultant, but maybe for a while it would be good. at least a time for me to transition into being a grownup. i'm not ready for that. but i am very ready for new things- so i think it'll be good for a time. it's funny, this morning i was sitting at work thinking about being at a job where i actually felt like i had worth (today at the women's resource center my main task was dusting the bookshelves) and i got really excited. so, maybe when i'm in a place where i have tasks and i feel like i'm working towards an achievable goal i'll finally be happy. i hope so at least.

i think i'm done blogging for now. feeling strangely somber. maybe because it's halloween.

goods!

2007-10-28T21:40:00.001-05:00

this video is one that makes me laugh EVERY time i watch it.

it's set to goods (all in your head) by mates of state. great song. and from what i understand, this video was made for a contest to direct the actual video for the band. i'm pretty sure this one won. all the more reason to love kori and jason.

anyway- check it out. and you can find the actual video that this guy directed here.

checked out.

2007-10-28T21:34:00.001-05:00

lately, i find myself places surrounded by friends. having fun. enjoying myself.

then all of a sudden, i'm ready to go. i wonder why i even went in the first place. sure, i've enjoyed myself, but all of sudden i feel like i've wasted time.

i'm ready to go. and i'm not being negative. i'm just ready to go.

sdkl;fjdlfkgjhslfkjdf.

things are looking up

2007-10-22T14:21:00.000-05:00

so yesterday, on the way home from houston while listening to much inspiring music, i decided this:

i've been letting everything that has happened or is happening this semester make me extremely unhappy and anxious. and i shouldn't.

that's it. i'm not going to let trivial things that, in the grand scheme, are unimportant, make me upset. i'm done.

so, here's to my new attitude.
cheers.

all these ppl drinkin lovers spit

2007-10-21T17:08:00.001-05:00

i love this song.
wish i could have seen it live.
wish i could live it?

times they are a changin- nothin ever stays the same

2007-10-21T17:01:00.000-05:00

i. am. so. ready. for. change.

its just getting frustrating. and i hate not being happy. or unhappy. just nothing.
and its not because i dont love my friends. or i dont want to appreciate the last few weeks i have here.
i'm just ready to go.
sldkfjs;ldfjk.

so i drove to houston today just to get out of town. sucks here too. waste of gas/time.

lcd soundsystem :: someone great

2007-10-15T12:47:00.000-05:00

So lately, I've been listening to Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem a lot. It seems to explain a lot of things I'm feeling, and it's awesome. I thought I'd post the lyrics so you'd know what I'm talking about... I wanted to embed the song so you could hear it, but I don't know how to do that. And I'm just wasting time before class. And I'm hungover. Yes.

I wish that we could talk about it,
But there, that's the problem.
With someone new I could have started,
Too late, for beginnings.
The little things that made me harassed,
Are gone, in a moment.
I miss the way we used to argue,
Locked, in your basement.

I wake up and the phone is ringing,
Surprised, as it's early.
And that should be the perfect warning,
That something's, a problem.
To tell the truth I saw it coming,
The way, you were breathing.
But nothing can prepare you for it,
The voice, on the other, end.

The worst is all the lovely weather,
I'm sad, it's not raining.
The coffee isn't even bitter,
Because, what's the difference?
There's all the work that needs to be done,
It's late, for revision.
There's all the time and all the planning,
Someone Great Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com
And songs, to be finished.

And it keeps coming,
And it keeps coming,
And it keeps coming,
Till the day it stops
(Repeat x3)
And it keeps coming,
(Repeat x7)
Till the day it stops.

I wish that we could talk about it,
But there, that's the problem.
With someone new I could have started,
Too late, for beginnings.
You're smaller than my wife imagined,
Surprised, you were human.
There shouldn't be this ring of silence,
But what, are the options?

When someone great is gone.
(Repeat x8)

We're safe, for the moment.
Saved,
For the moment.

my eyes are shooting stars

2007-10-10T00:49:00.000-05:00

oh dear. i just got home from ng and hanging with my favorite pershing residents. i'm realizing more and more each day how much i'm going to miss this place. thus far, this semester has been almost surreal. now it seems that the first half never even happened. which is fine i guess. i just wish it wouldn't have been the beginning of my last semester here. ah well. such is life.

i'm really excited about the future. starting over. hopefully the job search will be over soon and i can start planning for the future. it'll be good for me, i just hope that i find something that i really want to do.

now to make the best of the end. i have 2 months. hang out with me or lose me forever. : (

first time for everything

2007-10-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

i've decided to try my hand at blogging. really it's more for me than anyone else, but i suppose some people may enjoy reading my thoughts. we'll see.