a little poetry

i don’t know how long
i can do this, he said.
i think the universe
has different plans
for me

& we sat there in silence

& i thought to myself
that this is the thing
we all come to
& this is the thing
we all fight
& if we are lucky
enough to lose,
our lives
become beautiful
with mystery
again

& i sat there silent
because that is not
something
that can be said.
–brian andreas, traveling light


i really like this poem. speaks a lot of the things i'm feeling right now. i can't decide if i think its about death or renewal. for me right now- its about renewal. leaving things that i've known for things that i don't know. losing things that i wanted to keep. and living with it. this is a little too introspective for a blog, maybe, but vocalizing these thoughts helps me realize them. i'm starting to feel like my old self again, and just in time to get out of town. i'm scared as hell of what's ahead of me, but i can't wait for it to start. i just hope that something works out soon.

in other news- talked to a dear friend today about another person who isn't really in my life anymore, and realized that the latter it not nice at all. unfortunate, i think, because i held such a high opinion of this person for a long time. actually continued to even after they left my life. but now i'm starting to see the things my dear friend saw all along. said friend thought about telling me initially, but, in his words he didn't want to be a "huge asshole" and preferred us remaining friends until i figured it out myself. luckily i did- perhaps a little late, but definitely worth it. i have a lot of great things coming up. things that probably wouldn't be happening if i were still in the situation i was in earlier this year.

now, i'm done with school until finals. going to hang out with carpool a bit tonight and hopefully some more close friends. and for those friends that aren't here, maybe i'll call them. and maybe i'll ichat with my liz! today was a very hungover day full of a lot of realization. funny how feeling like shit makes things so real. ah and i was going to end this blog- but i think i need to post the hilarious friend time that was last night.

so, today i had a test and a group presentation- my last day of work for the semester until finals. so last night i should have been biting the bullet and busting my ass to learn some portfolio management and researching REITS. i, however, decided to take the road less travelled by. and that really made all the difference. so i went to dinner with the girls from work at caffe capri. this has become somewhat of a ritual and is one of my favorite friend times lately. so we decided on cenare's last night- our boss's mother's restaurant. we got wine with dinner, which would have been fine. one glass of wine would have chilled me out enough to get some great studying done. the problems started when mrs. cerone brought us another glass, as a gift i guess? at this point, my judgment began to slip and we decided to walk across the street to terrazzo- another cerone family business. after ANOTHER glass of wine, we decided that we should go to northgate. all of that to say i went out and got ripped instead of studying and preparing for my test and presentation. good thinking. i woke up to be at work at 8 the most hungover i have ever felt. and without studying. needless to say today was brutal- so glad its over. good thing i don't care too much about my grades anymore.

<3