Tuesday, December 25, 2007

renewal

i want to make a list of things that i will or want to do this year.
here i go:

see broken social scene/feist/kevin drew somehow, somewhere.
start working.
live ALONE. at last.
own furniture? weird.
meet some new friends.
get in shape. at least get skinnier.
that means less going out.
photo development. trent i need your chemicals.
buy new clothes!
figure out what i really want to do with my life.
stability for a while first.
find peace.
recreate myself. just the outside i mean.
find some new things that i love.

i think that's all. for now.

here is a sexy video:

Saturday, December 15, 2007

green sobriety

not looking forward to it.

rediscovered the moon & antarctica after they played it at revolution last night. what a great album.

i need to write about graduating.
but that will have to wait until another time.

ps. its raining so hard outside. so awesome.

Monday, December 10, 2007

what relief

amen.

avoiding studies

i'm glad that school is almost over
but life has been making me feel really strange lately
all this change is coming
but right now everything is the same
i guess i'm just really anxious
ready for things to start moving
changing
ready for something new

and ready to stop drinking red bull
and start sleeping

Sunday, December 2, 2007

thank you vice

ain't that the truth

dear god-
please don't let that be my life.

people are funny

its interesting to observe them. especially removing yourself from the reality of it all.

this weekend is the perfect example. its hard for me to comprehend why they act they way that they do. and sometimes with the intensity that they do.

i guess everything is right in the end. perhaps i'm just ready to get there.

Friday, November 30, 2007

oopsies

www.takenbytrees.com

sowwy

Thursday, November 29, 2007

social investing?

just a quick post while i'm deliberately being late to class

first-
i got called out in class on wednesday for being a proponent of social investing. my portfolio management prof said that as a hedge fund, you get paid to make money. green investing or socially conscious investing may make you feel good- but it doesn't make enough money.

i've looked at returns for some green hedge funds and they've been relatively successful, even with the way the markets have been as of late. sure, they aren't making as much as some of the high profile funds, but when the dollar amounts get to a certain point i don't think that it makes a huge difference. so basically she said that we should throw out all of our convictions when it comes to investing- simply buy what will have the largest return.

i completely disagree. isn't there a point where the amount of money you're making becomes moot because of the state of the world that you're rich in? i can't imagine being happy with a billion dollars knowing that the companies that are making my returns enormous are also depleting my ozone. or are sustained by unfair trade. dlfkjghlkghs. maybe i'm just too concerned with things other than my own material wealth. according to donnell i definitely am.

anyway- i was pissed. still am. want to have a long conversation with someone about it.

in other news- you should listen to taken by trees ::www.takenbytrees.net::. she sings on young folks with peter bjorn & john. very unique voice, and the last song on the site is perfect.

sorry no linkage- campus computers are the shit. literally.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

newmuse

hi-
so i've been hanging out down the street a lot lately.
mostly with the cat- because he is the best.

anyway-
upon hanging out down there, i've learned of a band worth listening to a lot.
delta spirit.
check out their myspace- the band description is great!

listen. its good.


i've also been listening to a lot of apostle of hustle.
but that's really nothing new.

ok bye.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

so i woke up

with all my clothes on- shoes included- under my down comforter with my keys in my hand. really becca?

these last days of college are really killing me.
good thing i'm partying in the hood so no driving is involved.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

baby its cold outside

drove into LA today. cold as hell. i guess i better get ready for dallas. cold as hell there too.

in other news-
i accepted with protiviti yesterday. that means i'm employed. yay!

and that also means that i'm starting to feel sappy EVERY time i'm with my friends or doing something typical of college. like partying til 6am. drinking sparks to stay awake. going to spec's at 6pm. lovvveeeee my friends.

except i wish i would have met some of them before this summer/semester. they're the greatest.

right now i'm at feefoy's. stealing internet from her neighbors. chatting on aim for the first time in a LONG time. wanting to be hanging in ruston. at least she had an amazing shrimp delight salad with some wine waiting on me when i got here. can always count on the louisiana fam to make sure i'm well fed and liquored. even when she's 85. ah well.

here are some songs that i have to listen to every day:
feist- intuition
brokensocialscene- lovers spit
page france- grass

loveyou.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

they say timing is everything

but what if you don't have time?

Sunday, November 18, 2007

oh my.

last night was craaazzzzzzzzy.
but the most fun.
shoot.

now there is much work to be done.
i just hope that there is something to look forward to?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

just tell me what to do

nevermind. my friend trent is right. i feel a lot calmer now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm getting cold feet. but i really don't want to work for chevron.

fldshugdlfkghjdf.

maybe i'll just take protiviti?
or email e&y today.
or maybe i will just move to salt lake like zac suggested.
that'd be fun.

this.is.so.stressful.

Friday, November 9, 2007

!$##%#!#@!@#$#!

so i have an offer with protiviti. what relief!
still going to wait a bit on ernst&young.
we'll seeeeeeee.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

a little poetry

i don’t know how long
i can do this, he said.
i think the universe
has different plans
for me

& we sat there in silence

& i thought to myself
that this is the thing
we all come to
& this is the thing
we all fight
& if we are lucky
enough to lose,
our lives
become beautiful
with mystery
again

& i sat there silent
because that is not
something
that can be said.
–brian andreas, traveling light


i really like this poem. speaks a lot of the things i'm feeling right now. i can't decide if i think its about death or renewal. for me right now- its about renewal. leaving things that i've known for things that i don't know. losing things that i wanted to keep. and living with it. this is a little too introspective for a blog, maybe, but vocalizing these thoughts helps me realize them. i'm starting to feel like my old self again, and just in time to get out of town. i'm scared as hell of what's ahead of me, but i can't wait for it to start. i just hope that something works out soon.

in other news- talked to a dear friend today about another person who isn't really in my life anymore, and realized that the latter it not nice at all. unfortunate, i think, because i held such a high opinion of this person for a long time. actually continued to even after they left my life. but now i'm starting to see the things my dear friend saw all along. said friend thought about telling me initially, but, in his words he didn't want to be a "huge asshole" and preferred us remaining friends until i figured it out myself. luckily i did- perhaps a little late, but definitely worth it. i have a lot of great things coming up. things that probably wouldn't be happening if i were still in the situation i was in earlier this year.

now, i'm done with school until finals. going to hang out with carpool a bit tonight and hopefully some more close friends. and for those friends that aren't here, maybe i'll call them. and maybe i'll ichat with my liz! today was a very hungover day full of a lot of realization. funny how feeling like shit makes things so real. ah and i was going to end this blog- but i think i need to post the hilarious friend time that was last night.

so, today i had a test and a group presentation- my last day of work for the semester until finals. so last night i should have been biting the bullet and busting my ass to learn some portfolio management and researching REITS. i, however, decided to take the road less travelled by. and that really made all the difference. so i went to dinner with the girls from work at caffe capri. this has become somewhat of a ritual and is one of my favorite friend times lately. so we decided on cenare's last night- our boss's mother's restaurant. we got wine with dinner, which would have been fine. one glass of wine would have chilled me out enough to get some great studying done. the problems started when mrs. cerone brought us another glass, as a gift i guess? at this point, my judgment began to slip and we decided to walk across the street to terrazzo- another cerone family business. after ANOTHER glass of wine, we decided that we should go to northgate. all of that to say i went out and got ripped instead of studying and preparing for my test and presentation. good thinking. i woke up to be at work at 8 the most hungover i have ever felt. and without studying. needless to say today was brutal- so glad its over. good thing i don't care too much about my grades anymore.

<3

Monday, November 5, 2007

so many ways

so- got to see the mates unexpectedly on saturday night.
it was GREAT!

here are some of my favorite pictures from the evening:







i do love them. wish i was kori.
it definitely helped to get me motivated. i realized today that after the craziness that will be this week i am done until finals. and then i graduate. and move.

and get PAID!

well if i get a job- which should hopefully happen this week. an offer at least.

i'm a little cracked out right now. been working on corporate governance paper since 4pm. it is now 1am. wide awake. i am going to post some of my favorite photos from this summer in my next post. just some memories- maybe to help me forget?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

cocaine skin

currently obsessed with kevin drew's new album. but my favorite song is not on it. cocaine skin is one of the non-album recordings and it just makes me feel good. found it on his myspace page and listen to it all the time. maybe too folky for some, but i loves it.

anyway- today has been interesting. both of my classes were cancelled, so i worked until 1 and then came home and took a nap. still having strange feelings about life. had a dream last night i got a phone call from e&y nyc saying they wanted me to start in february. too bad it was in my dreams. i suppose i'll continue dreaming until i find out for sure.

tomorrow morning i'll drive to dallas for my office visit with protiviti. hopefully that will go well. don't know if i want to be a consultant, but maybe for a while it would be good. at least a time for me to transition into being a grownup. i'm not ready for that. but i am very ready for new things- so i think it'll be good for a time. it's funny, this morning i was sitting at work thinking about being at a job where i actually felt like i had worth (today at the women's resource center my main task was dusting the bookshelves) and i got really excited. so, maybe when i'm in a place where i have tasks and i feel like i'm working towards an achievable goal i'll finally be happy. i hope so at least.

i think i'm done blogging for now. feeling strangely somber. maybe because it's halloween.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

goods!

this video is one that makes me laugh EVERY time i watch it.


it's set to goods (all in your head) by mates of state. great song. and from what i understand, this video was made for a contest to direct the actual video for the band. i'm pretty sure this one won. all the more reason to love kori and jason.

anyway- check it out. and you can find the actual video that this guy directed here.

checked out.

lately, i find myself places surrounded by friends. having fun. enjoying myself.

then all of a sudden, i'm ready to go. i wonder why i even went in the first place. sure, i've enjoyed myself, but all of sudden i feel like i've wasted time.

i'm ready to go. and i'm not being negative. i'm just ready to go.

sdkl;fjdlfkgjhslfkjdf.

Monday, October 22, 2007

things are looking up

so yesterday, on the way home from houston while listening to much inspiring music, i decided this:

i've been letting everything that has happened or is happening this semester make me extremely unhappy and anxious. and i shouldn't.

that's it. i'm not going to let trivial things that, in the grand scheme, are unimportant, make me upset. i'm done.

so, here's to my new attitude.
cheers.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

all these ppl drinkin lovers spit

i love this song.
wish i could have seen it live.
wish i could live it?

times they are a changin- nothin ever stays the same

i. am. so. ready. for. change.

its just getting frustrating. and i hate not being happy. or unhappy. just nothing.
and its not because i dont love my friends. or i dont want to appreciate the last few weeks i have here.
i'm just ready to go.
sldkfjs;ldfjk.


so i drove to houston today just to get out of town. sucks here too. waste of gas/time.

Monday, October 15, 2007

lcd soundsystem :: someone great

So lately, I've been listening to Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem a lot. It seems to explain a lot of things I'm feeling, and it's awesome. I thought I'd post the lyrics so you'd know what I'm talking about... I wanted to embed the song so you could hear it, but I don't know how to do that. And I'm just wasting time before class. And I'm hungover. Yes.


I wish that we could talk about it,
But there, that's the problem.
With someone new I could have started,
Too late, for beginnings.
The little things that made me harassed,
Are gone, in a moment.
I miss the way we used to argue,
Locked, in your basement.

I wake up and the phone is ringing,
Surprised, as it's early.
And that should be the perfect warning,
That something's, a problem.
To tell the truth I saw it coming,
The way, you were breathing.
But nothing can prepare you for it,
The voice, on the other, end.

The worst is all the lovely weather,
I'm sad, it's not raining.
The coffee isn't even bitter,
Because, what's the difference?
There's all the work that needs to be done,
It's late, for revision.
There's all the time and all the planning,
Someone Great Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com
And songs, to be finished.

And it keeps coming,
And it keeps coming,
And it keeps coming,
Till the day it stops
(Repeat x3)
And it keeps coming,
(Repeat x7)
Till the day it stops.

I wish that we could talk about it,
But there, that's the problem.
With someone new I could have started,
Too late, for beginnings.
You're smaller than my wife imagined,
Surprised, you were human.
There shouldn't be this ring of silence,
But what, are the options?

When someone great is gone.
(Repeat x8)

We're safe, for the moment.
Saved,
For the moment.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

my eyes are shooting stars

oh dear. i just got home from ng and hanging with my favorite pershing residents. i'm realizing more and more each day how much i'm going to miss this place. thus far, this semester has been almost surreal. now it seems that the first half never even happened. which is fine i guess. i just wish it wouldn't have been the beginning of my last semester here. ah well. such is life.

i'm really excited about the future. starting over. hopefully the job search will be over soon and i can start planning for the future. it'll be good for me, i just hope that i find something that i really want to do.

now to make the best of the end. i have 2 months. hang out with me or lose me forever. : (

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

first time for everything

i've decided to try my hand at blogging. really it's more for me than anyone else, but i suppose some people may enjoy reading my thoughts. we'll see.